Online Dating - Not!

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Nothing will change the fact that all of the women on dating sites are what you might call "hard to place"... as in the adoption term for older children of questionable backgrounds with bad habits and other undesirable traits. The women on these sites are desperately trying to deny that they are either dateless losers or being passed around as a whore because nobody wants to keep them. It's all an act. They are trying to appear as if they aren't the type of girl who has to be on a dating site because they don't attract a man in their day-to-day lives. And they are desperately trying to deny the type of man who does approach her on the site.

Oddly enough, this doesn't hold true for the men. There is a much broader cross-section of all types of men. But they get one whiff of the freak-show and go, "No thanks!" Either that or they are 'slumming' for easy sex with women who can't be too picky.

Remember that whenever you are dealing with a chick from a dating site. Perhaps it would be best to not look for women there. They are of low quality. They know they are of low quality but are doing everything they can to deny it. And, they assume that since you are approaching them, you must be of low quality also (aaaaahhh, gotta love that social proofing ).

You'll have much better luck at the mall, if you know what you are looking for..
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Women on Online Personals Ads are Just Wasting Your Time
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Almost all of the women on online personals are only there to waste your time and they have no intention of meeting anyone. If a woman isn’t interested in meeting you for coffee, sooner, rather than later, it means one of two things: She is either only interested in wasting men’s time and not going to be meeting anyone, no matter what…..or, she has decided that you aren’t worth meeting, although she will happily string you along. In neither of these cases should you waste more than a smidgen of your valuable time. Online dating is a good deal for women but a lousy deal for men because of the simple fact that most men doing it are serious and most women doing it are not. The goal here should be to quickly screen out the potentials from everyone else, not to waste hours and hours with women who have no intention of doing anything ever with you or anyone else. The potentials want to write a few emails back and forth and then meet you….not on a date, but in a casual, relaxed atmosphere they can leave easily. And most of those will never see you again after that. You’ll have to approach a hell of alot of women to get one bite. Either that or find a way to get the high probability women to answer your own ad. That’s tough to do because most of the idiot men email every woman on the system, filling her mailbox with a hundred emails a day (mostly losers).

That’s the big problem with online personals. Just like going to the nightclub, the women there have too many options and too many men trying to get their attention. Their goal isn’t the same as your goal. Your goal is to meet someone. Their goal is to have their worth validated. Their goal is met right away so why should they do anything more? A fraction of them have the same goal as you. But the ratio of men to available women who want to meet them is like 100 to a 1000 to one. Of course, that one is screwing a dozen or so men a month. You see this very clearly in a lot of their profiles….saying something to the effect of, oh, I’m just here because I am curious, but if I happen to meet someone who is a cross between Bill Gates and Fabio, I might go on a date with them if I feel like it. It’s a bad scene for a man.
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Identifying Women Who Are Wasting Your Time
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Pushy is the difference between a desperate used car salesman and one who is trying to identify high probability sales. The first goes after everybody, cares nothing about their wants and needs and tries to coerce the person into buying something that isn’t in their best interest. The high probability guy is doing the opposite. First, he’s highly selective in who he approaches, only going towards people that seem to be looking for a salesman on the floor. Then, he tries to discover what she wants and needs to see if he has that available. However, if the potential customer doesn’t cooperate with his behaviors designed to establish the fact that he is trustworthy and his behaviors to try an find out what she wants and needs or worse, he finds out she won’t buy from him, even if he identifies something perfect for her, he walks away from the sale, because there is no point and the whole thing is just a waste of both of their time.

Most women are just wasting your time. Even if you are perfect for them, THEY NEVER HAD ANY INTENTION OF MEETING YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE. How do you know? They resist your attempts to establish trust. They are vague and elusive when you try to find out if you are a good match for them. They waste your time incessantly even after it becomes clear they don’t want you. But most of all, after you have established trust and found out you are what they want and need, they won’t meet you in person (arrrrgh). When you try to convince them that they should meet you, they react the same way as if you were trying to pressure them into meeting you when they aren’t attracted to you at all. They call you pushy. If you try to get them to contact you without establishing trust and/or they aren’t attracted to you, then you actually are pushy. However, most men don’t do this. What’s going on is they have established trust and identified themselves as a good match. The problem is the woman just isn’t really looking at all. Calling you pushy in this case is a manipulative attempt to deny responsibility for her own behavior. The only way to handle both of these situations is to just walk away.
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There's No Point in Approaching A Woman Who Doesn't Look at You and Go "Yum!"

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There is absolutely no point in approaching any woman who doesn’t look at you physically and go…yum. So, your picture should be upfront, probably several, showing you in great detail, as a screening device to get rid of women you have no chance with. Even that isn’t good enough because the picture is a poor representation of you in person and can’t convey body language, speech, smell, mannerisms, whatever (one of the reasons I think online personals are a waste of time). Somewhere between 1 and 10% of women will look at you and go yum. However, very few of them will be open to you for one reason or another, mostly for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with you.

Click for "Finding the Small Pool of Available Women (Binge and Purge)"

The number one reason a woman might not be open is because women choose men the way that bulimics choose food……they binge. A bulimic will deny her normal urge to eat and starve herself for long periods of time and then lose control and gorge herself on food that is bad for her, then shame herself afterward. As the disease progresses, the shame becomes addicting and she engages in this behavior for masochistic reasons, to feel the shame (ick). Women look at you and go, yum, but (unless you are very good at enticing them) they will deny their normal need for sex, love, companionship and intimacy, because they are holding out for Fabio. Of course the average woman never meets Fabio or Donald Trump or James Bond or whatever her wacko fantasy of perfect is, and after awhile her unmet needs overwhelm her. Then she grabs just anybody, usually the scum of the earth because they are easy to get. She feels shame afterward. BUT, she becomes addicted to the shame (identifies herself as being a bad person) and seeks out that type of partner more and more. You absolutely don’t want one of these freaks in the advanced stages of the illness.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to learn ways to know which women are looking at you and going yum, focus exclusively on those women, with the main goal of finding out if they are currently restricting themselves or not. THAT behavior is the one that pays dividends with women. That and learning how to entice women. Trying to approach and convince women to like you is COMPLETELY ineffective, except for the rare case where a guy gets a live one, by pure luck.

Or you could do it the hard and painful way and approach two or three hundred women at random and see who bites.
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Online Dating is a Scam
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How much more evidence do you need to gather before you realize that the women on dating services are doing something other than looking for a man. What sort of behavior would you expect from women who were using the service to actually find a man? They would have pictures taken specifically to show them in the best possible light (cheap and easy to do in most places). They would write a well thought out, articulate profile, mind their P’s and Q’s, and try to both present themselves and what they want in such a way that they find someone who is a good match. They would, ummmm, actually look at men’s profiles and email men they were interested in. And they would spend a significant amount of time chatting via IM, leaving it open only during times they have specifically put aside for this purpose. They would be polite, and interested in getting to know people to see if they were a good match and if it would be fruitful to meet with them in person.

Now, do women on the dating service do ANY of those things? Absolutely not. They do the opposite…..crappy pic of them and their ex with his head rubbed/cut out (sometimes, obviously drunk), profile looks like it was written by a 3rd grader who barely speaks English, with red flags all over the place, tons of rude, bitter, negative statements, sometimes openly stating they hate men or intend to exploit you, reveal little to nothing about what they are like as a person (sometimes because there is nothing there or something is there that nobody wants), rarely looks at men’s profiles and NEVER responds to them no matter how good looking, alpha-male, rich, great personality, sexy, whatever, the man is, actively rude or time wasting on IM, pretends to bond with you and then, later, pretends has no idea who you are or what you agreed to do together earlier.

What this means, quite simply, is they aren’t looking for a man (so, it’s a waste of time to use this method to find a woman). At best, they are looking to have their egos stroked by saying no to all the men who seem to be interested in them (actually, these men have no interest in them and are just trolling the entire female database, for the one chick about to binge) and then will have an anonymous sexual encounter with some random loser, when they have been too long without love, sex or intimacy (ie they binge). At worst, these psychos are looking to actively harm someone, any way they can, as long as it is safe for them.

What’s going on with the online dating thing is women are wasting time and men are emailing hundreds of women, trolling for anonymous encounters with sluts.

Click for "The Suffragettes versus The Truth"

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Social Proofing
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I keep saying it, but nobody really believes me (until they experience it for themselves). Women ignore objective signs of worth and status and instead make decisions on attraction mostly at random. Signs of worth... tall, looks, money, muscles, status, don't change greatly who is attracted to you. I'm undecided if fame actually does make more women attracted or if it simply makes the women who like you anyway, hunt you down in an obsessive way. What it does affect is their aggressiveness. Don't build muscles and a hot body in the gym (ditto for making cash, wearing cool clothes etc.) thinking it will get you a certain type of girl (or worse, a specific girl) because it won't (much to my dismay). You do it because it affects your own confidence  and it makes the women (the same exact women who were already attracted to you), more attracted. More of them reveal themselves to you, and they make it easier for you to get them.

Also, and this is important, because women make these decisions at random, they often have difficulty judging their looks, status, whatever, compared to yours. What matters is social proofing. No matter how ugly you look, if you date a lot of women, good looking women will find you attractive. This also works in reverse. On the dating websites, all the girls on them are what you would call "hard to place". They rarely get dates, which is why they are online. Since you are also online, they assume you are the same way. It doesn't matter if you have all these signs of being much higher status than her. All she looks at is the social proof that you are also an online loser, like her. If you go, "Pffft, lady, I'm out of your league," they will freak. If anything, they assume your status is much lower than hers.

I think this is one of the biggest reasons to avoid online dating. All the girls are the dregs, who think you are beneath them, no matter what. It's a lose/lose situation.
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Finding the Small Pool of Interested Women

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What's going on (and what I think may be one of the differences in how women behave in other countries) is women totally suppress their body language and behavioural cues that let a man know they are interested in them. A man has to approach them before they will let on that they are attracted. Most men are not sophisticated enough to do this only a tiny bit, and not aware enough to consciously look for the behavioural cue that says this woman wants me to approach (it's actually unnatural to be that attuned, but it is what's needed).

The result? Most men don't approach women, causing both men and women to go without. They do this because every time (it seems) they approach a woman at random, it gets a negative result. However, it's actually not every time, it's just most times because they can’t separate the small group of women who want them from the large group of women who don’t. A few men are persistent. They approach a lot of women, and surge ahead with any one woman until she forces him to stop in some way. This is very frightening for women because they are extremely weak in all ways compared to a man. Her ability to make him stop is based almost solely on his consent or another man coming to her aid.

Also, there is a big problem in that objective worth doesn't mean anything anymore. A large, muscular, svelte, handsome, intelligent man with tons of money naturally assumes most women will be attracted to him. He approaches a woman he wants and is shut down. He naturally assumes this is a test of the steel content of his balls and turns it up a notch... causing a bad situation. He can't believe the small pool of women he actually has to choose from and the randomness of it all. I mean, if Pamela Anderson rolled up on you while you were working the register at Burger King and started going oooooohhhh, your soooo hot, let's go out somewhere tonight, would you be interested or would you assume she was a serial killer and go running for the manager. Too many girls do the latter, in this situation. Something is wrong with them.
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The Advantage the Big City Has Over the Small Town
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The one advantage a big city has over a small town is “the strip”. It’s different in every city but they invariably have a section where there are a lot of bars (the places you go to drink and perhaps listen to the band). Why is this important? Because a HUGE percentage of women go to these places to meet men. But, also, a huge number of women go to these places to waste time. How to tell them apart? Simple, the ones looking for men are alone. At the very most, they have one girlfriend with them. The less there is to do in the bar besides drink, the more intensely they are looking for a man. A good investment in time is to simply tour these places on Friday and Saturday night. Walk through looking for women that catch your eye (literally, catch your eye). Walking through a dozen or so of these places is bound to turn up one woman who is a hot prospect (ie someone who is both looking for a man and is strongly interested in you). You are literally anonymous until you home in on a high probability prospect (NEVER waste your time on anyone else…..it’s a losing game).

You just don’t have that luxury in a small town. Everyone will rapidly know you. If you fail to jump on a hot prospect in that situation….1) she won’t be a hot prospect later on, 2) new prospects don’t show up and all the other women will have already permanently put you in the non-fuckable category, and 3) people will think you are a weak dateless loser for not being able to get some from your hot prospect and avoid you.

This is probably the only saving grace living in the city has and most men don’t understand it at all. They’re all going out and spending a lot of money (and wasting a lot of time) going to the dance clubs. While, all the women who want to actually have sex are out at the bars.

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Women go to Clubs to be Seen and Cause Trouble
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Women go to clubs to be seen and cause trouble. The last thing on their minds is meeting men. There is no point. However, in many clubs that trouble takes the form of doing drugs so the criminal element, of course, moves in. With no chance of getting laid, do you really want to be in that environment? The whole scene is pathetic.
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No Cover Charge for the Ladies
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The very fact that women get in free in a particular place, makes that place worthless for getting laid. This is the difference between neighborhood bars and a nightclub. Women get way, waaaaayyyy too many points in a nightclub. They don’t need to fuck any of the guys there because they’ve already gotten what they came there to get (the adoration and feeling of being attractive and valuable ). A woman in a nightclub is there to be seen, to dance and maybe to be felt up on the dance floor. She’s going home alone at the end of the night, especially if they are in packs (90% of the time). Also, the club is where all the competition is and unless you look like Fabio, this is not a situation you want. However, a woman in a bar is a different story. She’s either there to socialize with people she knows or to be picked up. It’s easy to tell because she will be alone. At most, she will have one (and only one) girlfriend with her.

Never, never, NEVER go to a nightclub and never pay a cover (ie, never go to a place where they want to charge men for access to women….because that access is a deception). Instead, go to a neighborhood pub with no cover. Either hang out there because you just feel like it or go to a place where there are a lot of free bars.  Stay only long enough to make sure there are viable prospects. Walk around. Try to make eye contact with each woman you are possibly interested in. The ones you have a shot with will make extended eye contact (if they smile, you’re in…..mwahaha). The other 99% will avoid your gaze or even be hostile. Don’t even order a beer if there are no prospects. Fuck em and move on. Why waste your money, but more importantly your time?
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Singles Events
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You have to be really careful at any “singles” event. Just like the women at the clubs (supposedly a place to meet others interested in finding a partner), these women aren’t there to meet a man. They are there to have their ego stroked. Sure, occasionally they will “binge” and go home with some random guy. But, for the most part, no guy will do. They will rationalize this in various ways that boil down to there are no good guys here (so what if they are all 6′s and 7′s and she is a 4). But the problem is her. The last thing she is interested in, is discovering if any of the guys she is attracted to (and she is attracted to a significant number) is compatible with her. Although she is attracted to a number of them (many times, you included), none of you has any more chance with her than some random chick you pass on the street. Unlike women you pass on the street, however, a huge number of the girls at the singles events are really into leading you on. What fun!

The other sad thing is that few women have interests until they get old, fat and married (which is exactly the type of woman you will meet at any interest you have). The exception to that is the gym. However, an increasing number of women are going to women’s only gyms.

In my experience, there are only two places where you meet lots of women. The first is in college classes, particularly college classes designed for people who are a waste of space…..art classes, acting classes, intro psychology classes, pop culture classes etc. The second is via a network of friends. You should always be on the lookout to add male and female friends to your network because they bring prospective women into your sphere of influence. However, it’s important to be selective with the type of person it is. If you have a buddy who is a drug-using criminal, guess what type of women he will bring into your sphere of influence. She has the same chance of being attracted to you as everyone else…..but you don’t want her lol.
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Women Go to Singles Events to be Seen, Not to Pick Up Men
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Just like going out to a nightclub, women go to singles events to be seen, not to pick up men. Going out in packs, they have no intention of going home with anyone. Any number they give you will be fake….etc. Unless you look like Brad Pitt or are a celebrity or obviously have more money than God, you can forget about it. This contrasts very heavily with going out to a bar, during normal hours (9pm to midnight, just about), to scope and hangout, maybe have a beer and watch the game. Any woman there, who is alone, is looking to go home with a man. That goes double if it’s an airport bar or the bar is connected to a hotel. However, be warned that those girls are usually married. Don’t bring it up (usually you do, but not here). Bars where business people hang out after seminars or while on business trips are where married people go to cheat on their spouses. It’s their turf. Overwhelmingly, she is going to want you to get lost afterwards.
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There is No Pattern to Women's Attraction
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There absolutely is no pattern whatsoever to a woman’s attraction. Or rather, just like men, they are attracted to large numbers of the opposite sex, with a rather low standard of beauty. But, unlike men, they suppress that attraction (women are sick). They don’t do that in other cultures which is why their behavior differs, I think. There is no pattern, AT ALL, to when a woman switches off her suppression of attraction. But, when she does, she rationalizes it after the fact. Often, she switches it off because she has starved herself for affection for so long that she "binges"…..goes out, gets drunk, and picks up some random guy. Not only that, but women are total cowards. Even if they are drooling over some guy, they won’t even hint at it unless the guy elicits it somehow.

There are four exceptions to this. The first is if a guy is extremely provocative, with model good looks. Often, his presence will elicit a binge in a woman. Often it won’t and he will be treated like a dog, even though he is literally, on the top of the food chain. The second is the rich guy. Women will allow themselves (or, mostly pretend to allow) themselves to become attracted to a rich guy, to get their hands on his money. The third is someone who is famous. Even a moderate amount of fame will have large numbers of women drooling over a guy. The last, is the worst of all…..evil. Large numbers of women go through periods where they are VERY attracted to evil. Some women are like this all the time. Literally, nothing else matters about the guy…looks, station, and basic hygiene. You could (and many are) 200 pounds overweight, smell BAD, have missing teeth and beat women every chance you get, and you will be drowning in pussy from this phenomena, as long as you are an ex-con, with a drug problem. This phenomenon is probably the single biggest threat to our way of life and the general happiness and well being of everyone. It is also an extremely good reason for strict, “three strikes your out” laws. Not only don’t we want these scum on the street, but, left to their own devices, they can and do destroy large segments of our population….getting girls hooked on drugs, they are prime spreaders of AIDS and other STD’s in our social circles, destroying families, illegitimate births, etc. Permanent imprisonment is a rational, reasonable and just solution to this problem.

Anyway, my point is this. It is impossible to increase the number of women who are interested in you by increasing your “attractiveness”. You can lose weight, buff up your body, get better clothes, better style, whatever, and you may change slightly the quality of women who are interested in you, but not the number. You can also change your behavior, but that only changes who specifically reacts to you. You can be nice, or you can be playfully arrogant, or you can be a total shitheel. You can sharpen your technique or get better at the “game”. But, it’s all pointless. It may change who, but not how many. Nothing will allow you to pick and choose who, specifically, will respond.

The problem isn’t attraction. The problem isn’t with us. The PROBLEM is the neurotic behavior of women. You can’t change them. But, once you understand the situation, you can change the way you approach the problem to become more effective.

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Binge and Purge
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99%……99% is the percentage of women who will say no if you approach them at random. They use the binge and purge method of dating. They have a fantasy in their head. The fantasy is different for every girl but isn’t too much in line with what men are typically like. No man who doesn’t match the fantasy is welcome. Time passes and a woman gets desperate for a man and “binges”, taking anyone. Being unhappy with just anyone, she eventually “purges” him, and goes back waiting for her fantasy (which doesn’t exist).

Your chances of catching a woman who is binging is maybe one in ten. If you woo her correctly, she will go for you. The chances of meeting a woman who you match her fantasy is about 1 in a hundred (completely random).
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Finding and Approaching Women
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You can’t ask a woman for anything because it gives her too many points. You need to use body language and only approach the ones that matter. And you can’t be direct about it.

The basic behavior goes like this. Go places where you are likely to meet women (either go where women go or go where women go to get picked up). Make eye contact with every woman that crosses your path. Most women will not meet your gaze. Some of them will. After holding their gaze for just a second or two more than is socially appropriate, look away (not down, away). She might look down and away too, which is OK. After a few seconds, try to
catch her gaze again and see if she locks gazes with you. Smile and nod to her if she does. If you feel aggressive, wink. If she holds your gaze this second time for an extended period of time and/or starts clustering body language signals of interest (read the book, Body Language by R Don Steele), that is one of the 1% of random women that will have sex with you right now, if you approach her correctly. It’s extremely reliable.

Approaching correctly means that you come near her tangentially. You seem like you are actually doing something else. For example: You see one of these women in the mall. Don’t go right up to her. Go near her and pretend to shop or look at something interesting. You strike up a conversation by noticing something about her and commenting on it and then asking a question. For example: "That’s a very nice sweater you are wearing. What’s the story behind it? Blah, blah, blah." Understand that women are completely self-involved. So shut your yap and look like you are paying attention and listen for cues for other getting to know you type questions. Tell her almost nothing about yourself other than your name and give her every opportunity to tell you even the most inane blather about herself. She’ll think you are the most brilliant, interesting man on the planet. When you can’t take this anymore, interupt her with some version of, "I have to go, want to come with me?" Whoops, I have to go home now and cook dinner and

feed my cat. Hey, you know I make this great rice dish called Arroz con Pollo. I learned how to make it from this sweet old lady while I was vacationing in Puerto Rico. Come have dinner with me. We’ll watch this video I’ve been meaning to see……The English Patient; I think it’s called (hehehe).

The point here is she has already decided she wants to come home with you to have sex. But she doesn’t know that you know that. And, she absolutely cannot face this fact without a convenient excuse that she is actually going over there for something else and the sex is just spontaneous. Make no mistake, once you get her home, she’s the one who will likely be the aggressor, or will need very little prompting. If you get any resistance at all, it’s time to cut and run because you screwed something up, probably misjudging if she was a one percenter. A lot of women will show casual interest. But it’s the one percenter that will show focussed, intense interest. They are practically drooling.

There really is no work involved in finding her, other than in going to those places you are likely to find her. Don’t stay; don’t waste your time with pointless crap while there. Whatever you do don’t pay a cover or anything (if you go for the band or something, that’s me time and you should ignore women). Just recon the place looking for one percenters. Leave and move on to the next place if you don’t immediately find a hit. Get in the habit of scoping out chicks all the time, but set aside a specific time each week where you zoom through several hot spots every week. Don’t stay and waste your time. Show up, look, and if nothing is there…..leave.

After the first few times, it’s easy. The first few times are hard because you screw things up and it’s hard to initiate things because you don’t really think things work this way. Instead, you think all women are judging you and rejecting you (and 99% of them are). Until you sleep with a few, you don’t know that 1% is there for easy taking. I say the same thing to all my guy friends. Try it out a little at a time. The easiest part is scoping these women out. Go places and try the eye contact bit. Don’t follow up on it. Just try it out and see for yourself what I am talking about. After you are comfortable doing this for a few weeks, try occasionally saying Hi to one of them. Nothing complicated. Just Hi. You’ll be shocked at the result and soon, you’ll be doing the rest.

And for God’s sake, don’t give the time of day or anything else, not the slightest bit of respect, not a shred of time or effort, to any woman who isn’t one of these. A woman who isn’t sexually interested in you should be totally beneath notice. No staring at her tits. No talking to her. She’s invisible. Women are sweet as pie when they are in acquisition mode (you being what they wish to acquire) but they are evil incarnate every time else. Only extremely high probability babes deserve even an ounce of your time. Everyone else is wasting it.

Screw em.
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The Sexes Approaching Each Other (Eye Contact, Escalating)

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For all the myths that women are more intuitive, more social, more emotionally intelligent, aware of feelings etc., it is all basically a lie.

The bottom line is this: Men don't actually make the first move... women do.

They signal openness. Or rather, they are supposed to. Then an interested man will signal his interest to approach, usually by looking her in the eyes and smiling. A normal man won't apporach unless invited. If a man approaches without being invited it either means he is a psycho or he is one of the few men that have learned that women just don't get it, and he is compensating by testing the waters more aggressively. Yes, a lot of men don't know the steps to meeting a woman and, as a result, are socially awkward and have trouble meeting women (even when she is highly interested). This lack of skill leads to lack of confidence which then becomes a vicious circle.

Part of the problem is women are just as clueless about doing their part in the meeting ritual.

But, the biggest part of the problem is most women are completely out of control of their own sexuality. What I mean by this is, rather than deciding beforehand what she wants and then figuring out how to go about getting it, she tends to instead shut down. 90% of the time, and she is completely uninterested in any partner. That's a big problem because (most) men hunt and women choose. If 90% of the time that choice is no to anyone, and she is unaware of what she is doing, the chances for success aren't very good. The other 10% of the time, she gets overwhelmed by her needs (hormonal and otherwise) which forces her to be open to men who aren't a good match... leading to the ironic perception that there are no good men (ie no men who are a good match for her) Even though she is surrounded by them. Add in that most women put themselves on sexual display with the way they dress but shut down all signals of interest and the stage is set for some pretty fucked up behaviours.

In short, neurotic behavior in both men and women, lack of knowledge and lack of skill are at the root of the problem. Add in the fact that the relationship is mostly and illusion from the woman's point of view (ie she can and will walk with no notice and no reason at all) and you have a highly unstable situation where nobody is getting their needs met.

To fight against this, people have to study the situation and bring what they are doing into conscious awareness, and focus their will on making changes.

For example, I discovered that even though most women won't signal interest, a man can provoke her by skipping a step. Simply looking any woman you meet directly in the eyes and seeing if she looks back, and then smiling if she does... this forces her to say yes or no with her body language. That's an aggressive thing to do (in non-neurotic cultures, women signal first, not men) but it is still in the realm of acceptable behavior. Men going, "hey, baby, hey baby," while you are trying to get to work, or worse, approaching when you make it clear they are not welcome, isn't acceptable. It means the guy is either a dumbass or a psycho. Unfortunately, alot of women are open to them during their 10%.

As a woman, it is extremely easy to get around this. First, choose who you want. Then, do what a man would do. Look him right in the eyes and smile. You might have to do it several times if he is a dumbass. He'll usually approach you unless he is taken.
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Advice for Women on Inviting Guys to Approach You
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You need to understand that women in this country are completely socially inept and have stopped all relationship starting behavior. That leaves the field wide open for you (a woman who knows what she is doing) with little to no competition. See a guy you like? Look at him and smile as an invitation to approach. Likely, it is quite rare for him to get signals from women, no matter who he is, what he looks like or anything else about him. He may be surrounded by women who want him but NONE of them will invite him to approach. You can swoop right in and pluck him out of the crowd easy. The downside to this is he has gone so long without this happening that he might not recognize your invitation. Just be firm and repeat it several times. Eventually, he’ll come on over. Talk lightly and steer the conversation to mutual interests and then mention you might want to do one of those together. Give him your phone number and bam; you have a date with a guy you are highly attracted to. This is easy for women to do and tough as hell for a man to do. Why? Because women get an idea in their head about the type of man they want (usually a random one at that) and are not open at all to anyone else, plus they try to keep any attraction a big secret until Mr. Right just decides to aggressively pursue them as some random encounter (yah, that works well…..not). Usually what happens is a woman gets lonely and bored and then grabs whoever just happens to be hitting on her aggressively, as a stop-gap measure. Men, on the other hand, are open to any woman of reasonable quality that seems interested in him.

What really burns my nut about the whole thing is the exception to this situation……the scumbag. Women will chase and do all sorts of freaky things for a scumbag, including competing over his sorry ass. That sort of behavior is quite natural to do for alpha males. It is decidedly unnatural and sick to do with fucked up losers.
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Eye Contact
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People don’t make eye contact with strangers. Especially women, who know this is an invitation of sexual interest. It’s also not an ambiguous thing. She isn’t just looking back….she’s LOCKING gazes with you. Often, she is running her eyes up and down your body before returning her gaze to you and doing all sorts of other body language signals. If you talk to her, her response isn’t all business but she’ll probably try to engage you in further small talk or even flirt with you. Without the gaze, she probably just walks up and goes, hmm, he’s cute, and then goes on her merry way. But, with the gaze, especially if you nod, smile or even wink, that changes things. It elicits behavior from her. An uninterested woman will actually be quite terse with you (lol, 99% of them), break eye contact with you, snap her at you (wench), and rapidly leave. Truthfully, though, you won’t know it until you see it. But once you see it, you’ll always be able to see it. (See Also: Finding the Small Pool of Interested Women)
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Escalating With Women
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While it’s good to have a take it or leave it attitude, it’s also important to have the attitude of continuously testing the waters and trying to advance things. If you don’t, when she expects you to, she will lose interest/get pissed and wander off. The pattern goes something like this. If you look at a woman and she looks back, she is inviting you to be attracted and initiate things with her…..so smile. If she is receptive and smiles back, she is inviting you to come talk to her. If you talk to her and she seems to enjoy it, she is inviting you to get to know her, so get her phone number. If you talk to her on the phone and you “click”, she is receptive to being asked out on a date. If you are out on a date and she touches you, she is inviting you to touch her, so do so in an appropriate way. Later, try to hold hands with her. If she holds hands with you, she is inviting more intimate contact, so touch her hair. If she lets you touch her hair, it’s OK to try and kiss her. If she kisses you, then it’s OK to cuddle with her. If she cuddles with you, it’s OK to touch her more intimately. If that goes well, touch her sexually….and escalate from there. The point is to not skip any steps and always be testing out the next level of intimacy. This works best if you take your time, build anticipation and
get her expecting/desiring the level of intimacy you already have. You do
that by testing a little bit and then pulling back, pushing ahead a little bit more and then pulling back. She is in control about letting you advance but after she makes that decision, you are in control about when, and how much. That’s the behavior that separates a friend from a lover.
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“Women chat happily, send sexually explicit signals and encourage the man’s attention, even if they have absolutely no interest in him. This gives a woman time to assess a man, say [Karl Grammer of the Ludwig Boltzmann Institute of Urban Ethology in Vienna, who studied 45 male-female pairs of strangers in their teens and early twenties]… Importantly, the women also seemed to control the encounter – what the women did had a direct effect on what the men did next. ‘You can predict male behaviour from female behaviour but not the other way around,’ says Grammer” – New Scientist Magazine (London), February 14, 2001
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Cary (1976) discovered that the woman, through eye contact, controlled the course of interaction with a male stranger, both in the laboratory and in singles' bars. Perper (1985) gave a detailed description of courtship, stressing an escalation-response process in which women play a key role in escalation or deescalation. The steps in this process are approach, turn, first touch, and steady development of body synchronization.

Although these reports are clearly valuable, most researchers addressed courtship very generally, and some failed to recognize the importance of the female role in the courtship process .What was needed was a more complete ethogram of women's nonverbal courtship signals. To compile such a catalog of flirting behavior exhibited by women involved in initial heterosexual interaction, more than 200 adults were observed (Moore, 1985) in field settings such as singles' bars, restaurants, and parties.

Research has shown, therefore, that the cultural myth that the man is always the sexual aggressor, pressing himself on a reluctant woman, is incorrect. -- Courtship Signaling and Adolescents: "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"? Monica M. Moore, Ph.D.Department of behavioral and Social Sciences, Webster University
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There Really Are Only Two Subjects That Are Safe To Talk About With Women

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There really are only two safe, effective topics to talk to women about in a social situation. The first is easy. You talk about her. And by talk I really mean you don’t say anything except leading questions. Women will talk for hours about themselves this way. Afterward, they will think you are the most brilliant conversationalist in the entire world. However, you can’t comment, editorialize, or even share similar experiences with her about anything she says. Her attitude is "who the hell are you to comment on my life?" It doesn’t really matter if the comment is good or bad, lol. It’s fucked up, but it is what it is.

Click for "Women, Teasing, Tests, One-itis and Hope"

The second thing that is effective when talking with women is to bust their balls in a teasing, light-hearted, humorous way. This is very difficult to do (ie, it’s a specialized skill that you learn with practice) without crossing a line and outright insulting them. But, if you do it right, it has the opposite effect of saying something complimentary to her. She assumes her status is lower than yours. Then she feels flattered that someone who is higher status than her is bothering to talk to her. The really screwed up ones will respond positively to rude, degrading and insulting behavior for this reason (must it be said that you want NOTHING to do with any woman like that).

The last thing to know about talking to women in situations like this is your body language. There are several techniques in controlling your own body language that make you look open, non-threatening, and at the same time, being on sexual display. Although you cannot control who becomes attracted to you, when you do this, the odds are that someone, sometimes several someones, will become attracted to you when you do this. Don’t approach any

woman at all. Instead, only talk to women who approach you. Usually, one will. The one who does so first will usually be the one who is most desperate (and usually married, ugly, or otherwise inappropriate……low on the pecking order) And all the others will be carefully examining how you act with her. Act appropriately and she will eventually go away and someone higher up on the food chain will approach you.

Men, in these situations, are just hanging out, bonding, gabbing, whatever. But women. Women are engaging in something complicated and specific with unwritten, yet rigid, rules of behavior. Break the rules and you will be ostracized. And common sense doesn’t apply.
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A Woman's Need to Talk is One of the Key Methods of Manipulating Them
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A woman’s need to talk is one of the key methods of manipulating them. If you can act like you are actually interested in what they are saying, they will think you are a brilliant, interesting individual. Ironically, talking yourself lowers your worth. It’s best if they know as little about you as possible, so that their own mind fills in the blanks with something they find romantic. Your goal here is to sleep with them once. Because, if you sleep with them once, you can sleep with them multiple times, for as long as it lasts (usually, not long).
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Hold Out the Lure of Validation But Don't Give It To Them

One of the big differences between men and women is men want sex with a woman who cares about them and women want to have sex (only) with a man who could care less about them. But, both men and women want to have sex.

Part of the reason is women are soooooooo insecure about themselves. They desperately need validation that they aren’t worthless worms (which of course, they are, unfortunately). They know the truth of this, deep down and the very minute you give them that validation, they assume the reason must be because you are even more of a worthless worm than they are. It’s sick. Of course, it’s also exploitable. Hold out the lure of validation but don’t actually give it to them.
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Women are Narcissistic and Self-Absorbed
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What’s going on is women are totally narcissistic and self-absorbed. They also see the world in very distorted ways and are all the time mistaking where things are coming from.

For example, women do not ever want to hear anything about you (sad but true). Women always find this offensive and think the guy is narcissistic (a projection of what they actually are) even if his talking about himself is brief and in context to the situation. On the other hand, if you spend all your time asking leading questions about her and then fleshing out the details of her life, only pausing to add various compliments to her, she will think you are the most brilliant conversationalist in the world, even though you have basically said nothing. You can do this for hours and hours and she’ll never even think to ask anything about you. It’s downright bizarre and disturbing, once you’ve experienced it. But not as bizarre and disturbing as the effect it has on how they see you.

However, NEVER get in the habit of being a sounding board for women’s problems. This has various, extremely negative, effects on how she sees you. Not only does she become a whiney drain on your very life-force, she permanently puts you in the “no sex” category. Every time you see her, she’ll start telling you all her problems (even making up problems for purposes of drama). This also is so sick and bizarre that most men don’t really believe it until they experience it for themselves.

Talking about her is a tool. A tool to build rapport with her during your first few conversations. It needs to be replaced with something else, soon after that. It’s an example of mapping out the sickness that women have and using that information to work around it. However, like all tools, it is only good for certain specific situations. It will serve in many other related situations (you can always bang a nail with a wrench, but a hammer would be better) and is completely inappropriate for many more.

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"It was a fool who said that women are attached to their appearance. Anyone can see it is not their appearance they are attached to, but what their appearance brings them . . . attention, compliments, self-respect, friends, employment, sex, men, children . . . and the list goes on!

I once heard a woman say "I take a lot of care of my appearance, but I don't like to think of myself as shallow"!" -- Kevin Solway

“‘Really, women’s desire is not relational, it’s narcissictic.’ — it’s dominated by the yearnings of ‘self-love,’ by the wish to be the object of erotic admiration and sexual need. Still, on the subject of narcissism, she talked about research indicating that, in comparison with men, women’s erotic fantasies center less on giving pleasure and more on getting it. ‘When it comes to desire,’ she added, ‘women may be far less relational than men.’” -- Sex and Relationships, Bonobo Sex, and ‘Lady Boners’: Is Women’s Desire Really That Confusing? – by Vanessa Richmond

"The second fastest way to lose a woman is to treat her as a sex object. The first fastest is not to." -- Fred Reed

"Women have no sympathy... And my experience of women is almost as large as Europe. And it is so intimate too. Women crave for being loved, not for loving. They scream at you for sympathy all day long, they are incapable of giving you any in return for they cannot remember your affairs long enough to do so." -- Florence Nightingale
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Be a Lover, Not a Provider (Dates, Gifts)

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I’m sorry to have to tell you this but things aren’t the way they should be. ALL women are flakes. And ALL women have sex with men right away (even the extremely religious and prudish ones). A woman SHOULD spend time getting to know you and evaluating your decency as a person……but they don’t. NONE of them do. Instead, they decide within a few seconds if they will sleep with you or not. If they decide no, you have zero chance with them but they will pretend like you do if you are aggressive enough or if you start giving them things. This always turns out badly. Even if they decide yes, they will make you wait if you start giving them stuff or if you act too interested (they want to see if you will give them stuff). If you hook up with them but don’t seem that interested, then they will go after you. Most don’t want to look like a slut and so will only do sexual things if you give them some form of rationalization. For example: We are going back to my place to watch a movie, not to have sex. The really insane ones act sexual and don’t care if they are sluts out in the open. Usually they are substance abusers/high risk sexual partners. So look out!

Your best bet as a man is to immediately try to sexualize any relationship. If a woman doesn’t cooperate, immediately dump her. The reason is simple. She either has decided no, and you will NEVER have a chance with her, so what is the point? Or, she has decided to exploit you first. And that sets a bad precedent. If a woman sees you as a provider, she will make you wait. If she sees you as a lover, she won’t. Normally, this should not be a problem. But women don’t respect providers. They abuse them and then dispose of them.

Be a lover, not a provider.

Click Pic for "The Suffragettes versus The Truth"

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Dates
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Dates, where you expend time, money, effort, whatever, are only for someone you’ve been with awhile and are already fucking (as in plural). You call both these situations “dates” but they aren’t even close to being the same thing. The first case, you are setting up a situation for one or more of three things. You are being evaluated. Right away, this sends the exact wrong message, that you need to be good enough, somehow to be with a particular woman (to say that is a lie, is a dramatic understatement on many different levels). Second, it opens the door wide for exploitation. Who seeks out situations where they get to exploit people? Women like this. In other words, if she is seeking to get set up on dates, she is probably looking for someone to exploit and that means she has a whole bunch of other negative traits (like the ones yous saw, hehe). The last thing she is looking for is the hook up. Totally neurotic, restrictive, arrogant and contemptuous, 95% of the time, she “binges” the other 5% of the time. She looks to have sex with anybody (don’t be surprised if you find out she went out after your date, picked up some drunk at a bar and had sex in his car, without even finding out his name) with no intimacy and often under fucked up circumstances. That’s how she ended up with her charming tattoo and probably other fun stuff (like herpes). If you went out with her a dozen times, she would care about you no more than navel lint.

The second type of “date” is totally different. Doing it only with someone you are intimate with, it has the goal of doing something fun, to become even more intimate. Afterward, you are probably going home to have sex and be together.

Just say no to the first type of “date”. Someone want to hook you up on a blind date? Say no. Tell them to have that person come along a few times when you are hanging out with that mutual friend, preferably for a relaxing evening at home.




 

Who Pays?
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Who pays? The real issue here is not who pays. It's the lack of love, dignity and respect for you on the part of American women. That's what causes the resentment. The issue of who pays is determined by custom and the status of the woman you are with and your relationship with them. A high status woman whom you have a causal relationship with pays her own way in our culture. The bigger the difference in status and wealth between you, the more likely it is that you should pay. The more formal the relationship, the more likely you should pay.

The reason you should pay is rooted in old traditions and has to do with who you are in relation to your woman. If you are equals, she pays. If you are a patron and she is a peasant, you pay. Most people in the US are of the same socioeconomic class (even if there is a large difference in salaries). For man to pay, he is acting macho... like he is the patron and she is the peasant. This is a normal thing for men to act dominant with women. It's part of the complicated mating dance that humans do... you assert your role as protector, provider, and Lord of the Manor. And that role has rights and responsibilities. Paying is one of them.

But there is a huge ass problem. The problem is women in this country aren't interested in a legitimate relationship with you and have no real feeling toward you. What they do is use the custom as a way to exploit men for money and goods. They go a lot farther with it as a means to actually exchange sex and intimacy for money... that's prostitution... and the women who engage in it, in all cultures, are rightly at the very bottom of social classes... because it's deviant.

"The next time we go out, it'll be your turn to pay."

So, who should pay? My answer is you should dodge the question entirely. Never go anyplace that costs money. Go places like walks and picnics and parks. Jokingly tell her that you expect for her to pay. Dump any woman that constantly sniffs around for gifts or expects you to take her to expensive places.

There is also a third issue here. Women look at a man one of two ways... as a lover or as a provider. They make men who are providers wait for sex. You don't want to be seen as a provider. Instead, you should focus on women that have decided to have sex with you right away and focus on having fun and being intimate with you. Later on, if you want to be serious with them, you can shift your role to one of provider. But if you allow them to look on you as a provider you can't change into a lover later on. This is extremely important to understand, because you only get the one chance in the beginning to establish what you are to her. However, in other countries where the contempt and exploitation of men isn't present, you could probably safely be the provider with the right woman. But my instinct says you should still present yourself as a lover instead, until you have a mature, steady, sexual relationship for quite some time.
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Gifts

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Gifts... are important if you are in a relationship. The rule here is, except for flowers, no gifts except on the big three... your anniversary, her birthday and Christmas. A man has to strike a fine line between getting a good gift and "paying for performance". They need to be moderately expensive (from $50 to a couple hundred or more depending on how rich you are) but can never be richly expensive (ie, no matter how rich you are, $500 is a bad idea). More than that though, they need to be symbolic. By that, they must represent care and thought put into them. You lose points for asking what she wants and gain points at playing the game: you hint at what you like and I'll take notes. When I was in relationships, and even occasionally now, I rely on certain categories of gifts that tend to be winners. Top of the list is jewerly. Not expensive jewerly, but cool jewelry (NO RINGS>>>>>NO EXCEPTIONS!!!!!!!!) This requires window shopping with her (Hey, look at the cool jewerly over there... maybe if you are a good girl, I'll get you that for your birthday next month, haha). Other winners are accessories (handbags, wallets, scarves) carefully chosen to match her style and look good. Clothes and shoes are a double edged sword. Never buy them unless you are absolutely positive of her size in that item. Make sure you choose items that match her style from the classy end. Lingerie is a big no-no and a waste of money. Another winner is artwork. A nice poster of a famous painting she admires in a nice frame is a sure winner (lots of extra points for knowing the art she admires). I tried this on a couple of girls and they go apeshit over it. I spend $100 and you would think I took them on a shopping spree through Tiffany's. Other winners... going cool places (massive extra points if the place has symbolic value to her but she rarely goes there, even more points if it is symbolic to the relationship... first date, first kiss, first sex, etc.)... pampering (usually an add on), cooking a special dinner, massage, away for the weekend someplace... and lastly, cards that are symbolic, somehow matching something about her, or something going on in your lives etc. Even better are homemade cards, if you got the skills (or even if you don't).

Gift giving is a big deal for women and never to be taken lightly if you are enmeshed with one. It's such a big deal that other women will grade your woman based on how good a gift you got her (ie how much you care about her). She'll lose status over a crappy gift. Women are nuts.

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Giving Stuff to Women Leads to Unreasonable Behaviour
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...the attitude of giving stuff to women is what opens the door to unreasonable behavior and expectations in the first place. It’s a form of brain washing. First, it’s expected that you give the woman a gift (or they’ll leave). Next, it has to be a good (defined by them based on the whim de jour) gift. Lastly, the standard for a “good” gift is made unreasonable. Not only is the standard of “good” gift set by her but she won’t tell you what it is and will judge you negatively if you get it wrong, or even ask her about it.

This is best handled by saying, well, what makes you think you are entitled to a gift AT ALL? I will decide if, and under what circumstances you get a gift and that gift’s nature. And, I could care less if you judge me negatively for it (very important). If you choose to leave over that, I WILL LET YOU GO (even more important).

Wrong attitude on men’s part opens the door wide to unreasonable behavior, judgement and expectations on women’s part.

If it was me, and the woman hinted that my gift sucked, I wouldn’t be trying to get better gifts by asking her what a good gift is. I’d be considering dumping her. Why? Because, there is no fixable problem here. The relationship is taking an inexorable path down the shitter BY HER CHOICE. Not mine. She has become presumptuous and greedy, not that I have become a lame gift giver.

You see, the big lie here is that the problem is what the man is doing or even the problem is something the man and the woman are doing together. If that was true, you simply fix the problem and live happily ever after. It just doesn’t work that way. No matter what you do, with her or by yourself, things will get worse and worse. The real problem is with her. She CHOOSES to be this way, so you have no power over her free will, other than to leave. Or better yet, say no to her, and do whatever the hell you were going to do anyway, until she chooses to leave.
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Related: 

Understanding Women and 'The Rules' for Men

You're Such a Tool!

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Click Pic for Free Book

by Jack Kammer (2002)Quotes taken from If Men Have All The Power How Come Women Make The Rules? pp. 116-122

"[The woman] doesn't have to do anything more on the date than show up... don't make it easy for him... he has to do all the work." -- Ellen Fein & Sherrie Schneider, The Rules

"It's just chivalrous... it's nice of you to care about his finances, but remember he is deriving great pleasure from taking you out." -- Ellen Fein & Sherrie Schneider, The Rules

"'The guy should pay [for dates]...' says [ESPN SportsCenter anchor Rich] Eisen...
"Why is that?... 'Hey, those are the rules,' he says. 'I don't make them. I just follow them.'" -- Talk Magazine, September 2000
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"Any woman who expects the man to pay for everything all the time is behaving like a spoiled princess... A woman who has the means to pay for a date but refuses to do so is saying the pleasure of the man's company is not worth the price of dinner. Why should any man want to waste his time with a woman who has such a low opinion of him?" -- letter to the editor from a woman in Silver Spring, MD. New York Times, August 31, 2001

Like this woman, for instance:

"'Of course the men have to pay and buy you presents. Men have to spoil you. You have to be spoiled,' says [a 26 year old woman] who works in public relations. 'If you don't think you are a princess you're not going to be treated as one. You have to make sure you know - and they know - you're a princess. This is my feminism. It's the new feminism to say, "I'm expensive. I need lots of attention. I need men to bend over backwards for me."'" -- article by Rebecca Eckler in the National Post (Canada), August 26, 2000

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"The feminist freeloading doesn't change with marriage. Professional women still want their husbands to get the checks at restaurants, pay the mortgage and be home by 6:30pm to help with chores and the kids." -- Maureen Dowd, New York Times, August 29, 2001
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